Learning positive personal boundaries are critical to good self-image, confidence and a healthy lifestyle.  At JRC we help women who normally do not have healthy boundaries and are seeking self-sufficiency to break the cycle of abuse and poverty in their lives.  I want to introduce you to Sharon (not her real name) whose story is an example of extremely poor boundaries that held her captive in a very abusive marriage for years.

Sharon wrote, “I am a survivor of domestic violence. To most people I appear to be happy. I live in a good, quiet neighborhood, but I have a secret. Have you ever heard the saying, “No one knows what goes on behind closed doors?” For almost thirteen years I was like a prisoner, shut off from family and friends, but unlike real prisoners, I had no hope for early release for good behavior. I am married, (soon to be divorced) to an alcoholic, drug abuser whose only concern is where his next six-pack or his next high is coming from.  But, that wasn’t all; he was very controlling, and so violent. I couldn’t tell you how many times he became violent. I never knew from one minute to the other if something would set him off, so of course I never knew when the next slap, hit, black eye or the next hateful word would occur.  How many broken promises? Words were spoken only to be broken.”

She continued, “A little over a year ago I got very sick, and had to go the hospital. I feared I wouldn’t make it. Two days before critical tests were being run on me, my husband picked up his things and left me.  But, I thank God for that day because my eyes became wide open and I knew at that moment I could never rely on him for anything.”

During this traumatic time of Sharon’s life she found the Joshua Resource Center and through the “Setting Healthy Boundaries Series” she learned new ways to live a healthier life emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Sharon learned TIP #1 – That she had a right to set her personal boundaries.  That setting healthy boundaries was necessary for developing and maintaining a good self-image of who she is.  This allowed her to communicate to her husband and to others her new found self-respect and self-worth.  That she would no longer accept inappropriate behavior from them.

Tip # 2 – Sharon learned that other people’s feelings and needs are not more important than her own.  This was a real paradigm shift for Sharon as she had spent most of her life trying to care for and to please others without regard for what it was doing to her.

Tip # 3 – Sharon learned it is ok to say NO.  It was destroying her to please others.  In addition to being a prisoner to her husband’s abuse, she literally was eating herself to death and had gained well over four hundred pounds of weight,

Tip # 4 – Sharon learned to communicate her feelings and needs to others in regard to the boundaries that were comfortable for her.  She found it easier to let someone know when they crossed those boundaries or behaved inappropriately toward her.

Tip # 5 – She also learned to trust her-self to know what is best for her.

This is the rest of Sharon’s story as she describes what she experienced during the year long program she attended at JRC, “I can tell you what I found – women who were going through similar things like we were. This is the part I like to call the healing process; I learned I am somebody and what I think does matter. I learned boundaries and how to set them and use them daily.  My husband did call and threatened me and broke in a few times, and I had many sleepless nights but I could tell him no and I did not want his drinking or drugs or abuse in my life. I let him know that these were not acceptable to me, and it felt victorious!”

JRC’s holistic program invites a woman like Sharon to explore the truth of her value as a person and teaches her through a series of lessons how to set boundaries for living a healthy life.

Participation in JRC’s New Beginnings Program, empowers women like Sharon to break the cycle of poverty and abuse.  God created her to have a good future; a future that challenges and restores her to the hope and purpose He intended for her (Jeremiah 29:11).  JRC invites her to discover this truth and integrate it into her foundation for change and restoration.

Restoring “hope and dignity – one life at a time” is the mission of the Joshua Resource Center (JRC), a faith based organization empowering women in Tennessee.

You can learn more about JRC’s program by visiting our website at www.JoshuaResourceCenter.org or calling us at 865-380-5370.

Written by Patricia Thompson, Founder and President, Joshua Resource Center, Inc. 501(c) 3, 2004-2009.  Patricia is the 2008 Crystal Award Recipient for her work with women and children in TN.  She also received the 2008 Femtor Award from E-Women Network, the world’s largest international association of business women.  She is the author of “Inspirational Stories of Ordinary Women” and has published many articles advocating women’s issues.