Take Control of Your Life by Learning to Set Healthy Boundaries

Your choices:

Set limits, protect your heart, live God’s way

OR

Don’t set limits, destroy your heart, live someone else’s way

Boundaries are given by truth-telling, responsible, free and loving people. What if you don’t know what truth is a you don’t feel free or loved? How can you learn to set boundaries? Who should you study? How do you practice setting healthy boundaries in your life?

Join the Boundaries Class in Knoxville or Maryville and learn to set healthy boundaries in your life. Classes are free. Call the Joshua Resource Center at 865-380-5370.

Donate  to a Knoxville Ministry

The past cannot be undone. What you change is how you feel about it.

Make The Change Happen

How are you going to do it, my friend? You’re all done feeling wretched all the time, you know forgive does not mean forget, you are soooo ready, but you need a plan. Read on, my friend, and find out how to get the benefits of forgiveness for yourself. Right now.

Guilt and Hatred Are Killers

Ask any doctor. Stress is a killer. This is because your body and mind are a continuum. In other words, although they are not entirely the same, a great overlap exists that unites them. Relieve your mental stress and your body will be happier too. Nothing relieves mental stress like forgiveness. Guilt and hatred resolve nothing; they just sustain the negativity that continues to obstruct you from your goals. Forgiveness, on the other hand, undoes the stickiness that binds you to an unhappy past.

Does It Work?

Absolutely – for you. Since the forgiveness experience will happen only for you, only you will receive its benefits. Your forgiveness may not influence a change in the behavior of others one bit. But it’s not about them. It’s about you. Forgiveness is about generating your own healing and freedom. You are the only player in your life over whom you have all the power. It’s time to exercise your personal power, your right to choose to feel better about who you are, your right to process your past and move on with your life.

Forgive in Steps

Like a pyramid, forgiveness may seem overwhelming at first, but it’s easily accomplished step by step. So begin by recognizing that there are three sections:

• forgiveness of others
• self-forgiveness
• receiving forgiveness from others

And these can be further broken down into nicely manageable chunks.

Forgiveness of Others

When you forgive others in categories, it proceeds more easily. For example, you could choose to use the categories of Strangers, Friends, Family, The People who Hurt You The Most, and Anybody Else. You may include additional categories like Exlovers, Neighbors, Coworkers, Employees, etc., and some forgivers need to add the category of Humanity Itself. And you can start with the categories you find easiest. Once you notice how good it feels to forgive, this will inspire you to forgive everyone as much as possible, as fully as you can.

Forgive Yourself

In this step, start with your earliest years and ascend: Newborn, three year old, five year old, ten year old, teenager, 20s, etc., and on up to your current age, forgiving yourself thoroughly for absolutely everything as you go. Once you get to your current age, forgive yourself for your whole life. Remember, all humans are flawed. No one is a perfect son or daughter, man or woman, husband or wife, student or teacher, worker or boss. You are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.

Receiving Forgiveness from Others

In the privacy of your own mind, visualize then apologize to folks you’ve wronged, and let them accept your apology. It may surprise you to learn that others really want to forgive you. They do. So let them forgive you and receive the cleansing of that forgiveness. Afterwards, with some people, you may elect to actually apologize to them in person, but proceed carefully. There are a few folks in the world who can not accept apologies in real life, and this is why you process all of your apologies in your mind’s eye thoroughly first, so that you get the emotional benefit of having apologized whether those apologies get accepted in real life or not.

Forgive by Percentages in Repeated Attempts

Can you forgive the people who hurt you the most 10%? 20%? 80%? 99.9%? It’s not all or nothing. Ease on up to higher and higher percentages, always aiming for 100% forgiveness, but being real with yourself. If the people who hurt you the most are not 100% forgiveable on your first attempt, continue forgiving them bit by bit till you get as close to full forgiveness as possible. Start with a realistic percentage, then increase your forgiveness on subsequent attempts, always aiming for 100%. Just do your best.

Forgiving People Versus Events

It can be one thing to forgive individual people, and can yet be quite another thing to forgive the things those people did. What to do? Forgive the events and actions as they come to mind. As you think of instance after instance, forgive everyone involved as best you can for everything that happened.

The Joshua Resource Center in Maryville and Knoxville, TN has helped many women learn to forgive and move on from their pasts and become the woman they were created to be. For more information about our classes or GED training in Knoxville, please contact us.

Myth 1: Domestic Violence does not affect many people.

Facts:

• A woman is beaten every 15 seconds.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States- more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
• Battered women are more likely to suffer miscarriages and to give birth to babies with low birth weights.
• 63% of the young men between the ages of 11 and 20 who are serving time for homicide have killed their mother’s abuser.

Myth 2: Battering is only a momentary loss of temper.

Facts:

• Battering is the establishment of control and fear in a relationship through violence and other forms of abuse. The batterer uses acts of violence and a series of behaviors, including intimidation, threats, psychological abuse, isolation, etc. to coerce and to control the other person. The violence may not happen often, but it remains as a hidden and constant terrorizing factor.
• One in five women victimized by their spouses or ex-spouses reports she had been victimized over and over again by the same person.

Myth 3: Domestic violence occurs only in poor, urban areas.

Facts:

• Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered- by husbands, boyfriends, lovers, and partners.
• Approximately 1/3 of the men counseled for battering are professional men who are well respected in their jobs and their communities. These have included doctors, psychologists, lawyers, ministers, and business executives.

Myth 4: Domestic violence is just a push, slap, or punch- it does not produce serious injuries.

Facts:

• Battered women are often severely injured- 22 to 35 percent of women who visited medical emergency rooms are there for injuries related to ongoing partner abuse.
• One in four pregnant women has a history of partner violence.

Myth 5: It is easy for battered women to leave their abusers.

Facts:

• Women who leave their batterers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by the batterer than those who stay.
• Nationally, 50% of all homeless women and children are on the the streets because of violence in the home.
• There are nearly 3 times as many animal shelters in the United States as there are shelters for battered women and their children.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence, please contact the Joshua Resource Center at 865-380-5370.

Though experts agree there is a connection between the two behaviors, its precise nature remains unclear. One researcher writes, “Probably the largest contributing factor to domestic violence is alcohol. All major theorists point to the excessive use of alcohol as a key element in the dynamics of wife beating. However, it is not clear whether a man is violent because he is drunk or whether he drinks to reduce his inhibitions against his violent behavior.”

The societal view of substance abusers as morally weak and controlled by alcohol or other drugs actually serves some batterers: rather than taking responsibility for their actions, they can blame their violent acts on the substance(s) they are abusing. Although drugs or alcohol may indeed be a trigger for violence, the belief that the violence will stop once the drinking or drug use stops is usually not borne out. The use of alcohol or other drugs may increase the likelihood that a batterer will commit an act of domestic violence- because it reduces inhibitions and distorts perceptions, because alcohol is often used as an excuse for violence, and because both alcohol abuse and domestic violence tend to follow parallel escalating patterns- but it does not fully explain or excuse the behavior by any means.

Batterers- like survivors- often turn to substances of abuse for their numbing effects. Batterers who are survivors of childhood abuse also frequently say that they use drugs and alcohol to block the pain and to avoid confronting that memory. It is a self-perpetuating cycle: batterers say they feel free from their guilt and others’ disapproval when they are high.

If you or someone you know is a survivor of childhood abuse, consider enrolling in the Healed Without Scars Course at Joshua Resource Center.

If you or someone you know is a victim or survivor of domestic violence, contact the Joshua Resource Center at 865-380-5370.

If you are looking for a safe haven in Knoxville, TN- contact us at 865-380-5370.

Herb True observed, “Many people succeed when others do not believe in them. But rarely does a person succeed when he does not believe in himself.” He was exactly right. Positive self-worth is a prime characteristic of a person with a good attitude.

Anyone who doesn’t believe in herself expects the worst not only of herself but also of others. If you have low self-confidence, you will likely have to struggle to focus on anything but yourself because you will always be worried about how you look, what others think about you, and whether you’re going to fail. But when you believe in yourself, you’re free to see yourself in a more objective light and focus on improving yourself and reaching your potential. And that makes all the difference. No wonder psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers said, “It is no exaggeration to say that a strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.

Author: Anonymous

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost…I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in, again.

I can’t believe I am in this same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I fall in… it’s a habit… but, my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down a different street.

Author: Savannah Squires

Love is a frequently used word.  Daily we hear people say, “I love you”, whether it be to their spouse, children, friends, or someone who has helped them get what they want.  The fact of the matter is that the word love is overused and often times under-valued.  Many people don’t think of how powerful using this word really is.  So often the word love is used loosely and recklessly, thus the importance of what it really means to love has been diminished and the value behind the word has been lost.

In Scripture God uses love as what we are called to most importantly-to love Him and to love one another as we love ourselves.  To me this seems to be a very grand call, not something to be used or taken lightly.

God refers to Himself as “love”-thus proving the importance of this word, the emotion, the Spirit behind it to be so much more than what we have come to know in modern day.  Godly love is AGAPE love, which means love without conditions-love that sacrifices; basically it’s a love that we don’t quite understand but should all strive for.

Now that we’ve established what Godly love is, we can discuss a few other forms of love.  Some other forms of love that are found in the Bible include familial love (Storge), sensual love (Eros), and friendly love (Philia).  Each of these types of love is expressed in different ways.  Familial love is protective and often times what some people have termed as “tough love” i.e. parents having to teach lessons to their children.  Sensual love is the type of love you find between spouses-it is an emotional and physical love and often times the most misused love.  And friendly love is what Christ calls us to in the Bible; a love for one another just because God loves each and every person He made, thus He requires the same from us.  Each of these forms of love is very distinct from one another.  It is important to not blur the lines between these types of love, because once this occurs many issues arise that cause people not to understand love, and the importance behind this word.

Many people, especially women have suffered from a fundamental misunderstanding of love and what it means to them.  Women who have gone through abusive situations struggle with understanding love and what it means coming from each person that utters that word.  But with a firm understanding of the different types of love and a conscious decision to use this word carefully and correctly, women can work toward resolving many of the issues that currently plague them.

At the Joshua Resource Center, they work to help women recover, grow, and become successful in life after suffering through abusive and trying situations.  Through their New Beginnings Program, the Joshua Resource Center helps these women while showing them familial and friendly love.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:13 NKJV)

For decades women have fought for their rights-for a sense of equality and empowerment.  And for years, this has been an uphill battle for women.  To gain equality and respect from men and even other women, many times some women had to go to extremes such as burning bras in protest in the 60s.

Generation after generation, there have been ever evolving struggles for women to overcome in order to become empowered.  Walls that kept women blocked into certain roles have slowly been torn down.  Beliefs such as women being seen as “unfit” to serve in leadership roles in government and the church, and that women’s roles are best filled in the home with the children, not in the workforce have slowly and steadily changed as women have stepped up in society and showed that their strength, passion, and intelligence has no limit.

With all of these great accomplishments women have achieved over the years, it is daunting how crippled many women are by abusive relationships. Women who find themselves in an abusive relationship have a hard time feeling a sense of empowerment.  Being in an abusive relationship weakens one’s self esteem and will power, thus blotting out any kind of empowered feelings.  It is in these times that, as in the past, we as women must rally around one another and offer hope, courage, and a safe place to recover and become strengthened.

Recovering from abuse is a long process and one that requires much encouragement;  that’s what the Joshua Resource Center has to offer.  Through our New Beginnings Program, women can gain valuable support while getting control back over their lives and becoming empowered.  And while this healing and advancement take place women have the chance to learn about a Savior who calls us to better things in our lives.  Just as David proclaims in Psalm 18:32, “It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure” (NIV), with God we know that women recovering from abuse can be strengthened also.  Through the services offered at the Joshua Resource Center, we can work together to continue to empower women and see the future changed for the better.